Monday, September 29, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
The difference makes me feel pretty good about myself - my ego did not go away with the weight (I mean PUHLEEASE). Oh - and it was 90 degrees here today (hence the shorts) and yes - it is true - I can and DO cross my legs (for the first time since God knows when).
Saturday, September 27, 2008
I'll be posting a new iTunes playlist in the next few days (I have one in draft, I just need to move it to active status). I know that you all live and die by my musical choices (smile).
Anywho - new Ben Folds - check it out!!!!! And you're welcome (smile)!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
I'm with Joy and Hillary Clinton. Bill is late (as per always). We're talking about the sweatpants that I just bought at JC Penney. We're laughing.
I'm waiting on my Moons Over My Hammy with Egg Beaters on dry wheat toast hold the hash browns. Joy is waiting on her Grand Slam and well . . . who knows what Hillary ordered . . . she's mainly just annoyed with Bill at this point. Apparently he has a really, really funny story to tell Joy and me when he arrives.
The food comes. I wake up.
I wonder what it all means. I wonder what the story was.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Note the constant presence of black and dark, dark tones but also note the presence of people that loved and support and accepted me.
These pictures truly humble me and center/focus me on how important is that I not let all that I've accomplished slip.
"Never again." I just keep repeating under my breath
Sunday, September 21, 2008
NOTE - I can't figure out how to make this chart larger. My apologies to those who might actually strain their eyes in the process of trying to view it accordingly.
I will get my last pounds off and I will get my waist down in the process. I'm very much at peace with the end results of this journey and - seeing it on paper - realize just what a success it has been.
NOW for the next journey . . . getting the last pounds off and a lifetime of maintenance! God give me strength!
Saturday, September 20, 2008
I won't (unlike for my Surgarversray) be asking people I know and love and admire to fete me. I won't be overly dramatic and heart-string-plucky in discussing it with you because, frankly, today is a VERY complicated day for me, emotionally.
Here's the rub . . .
It is SCARY to be this far out. I don't remember my pre-surgery life. I really don't. So much has changed since then. We've moved. Ava has learned to walk and talk. Joy is on the cusp of finishing the first stage of school - a 15 year "journey" of her own about to come to an end. I've lost almost two hundred and fifty pounds. 250! Two Hundred and Fifty. CCL - for my friends in Rome!
If it was not ME that did it - I would be in awe of the person that pulled it off. I would want to know all about how they did it and how great they feel and how different life is and what they are going to do next. As it is me that pulled it off though (but for the grace of God and the love and support of some wonderful people) . . . it just sort of scares me.
I'm not at my goal. I didn't "make it" and I don't like to "fail" or "fall short" or "not succeed." I know, I know . . . I did accomplish a ton of wonderful things. I can wear a white dress shirt now without being confused for a vessel competing for America's Cup. I can see my feet. I understand what a healthy portion of food is. I've severed all ties with Little Debbie and her band of delicious treats. I can walk without getting winded. I don't fear stairs. I can RUN around with my daughter and not fear falling and breaking every bone in my body or having my heart just straight-up explode while playing "tag." I've added 20 - 30 years to my life. QUALITY years too (not those lazy-boy sittin', remote control clickin' years I used to dream about (smile)).
But - this is it. I'm on my own now. All the Danbury Hospital did for me and all the prep and all the post work is done. It's my life now. I don't even think about the surgery as part of my diet any more. Sure I still avoid and live in fear of sugar/dumping and I try to not eat fatty foods and I try to avoid the pitfalls of a life poorly fed BUT - let's be honest - I'm not just eating chicken breast and reduced fat cheese any more either. I'm livin' life.
I've spent a lot of time on the mental and emotioal parts of "me." I have done every bit as well there as I have on my weight itself. Shedding a couple of 1,000 pound anger and rage gorillas helps with weight loss and maintenance. I've tried to address the parts of my life that got me to 530 pounds. I've tried to look at who I am, who I've been. My mistakes. My correct decisions and my in-the-middle actions, words and deeds and I've tried to make ammends to those that I've hurt, harmed, ignored and alienated. I'm ready to move on.
SO - it is complicated. I have been given a great tool for living a long and healthy life. I've used it. USED it. And now it is gone. Time for new tools. New strategies. New goals. New discipline. New benchmarks. New outlooks.
Much thanks and love to ALL those (especially my Pop Tart and Bidders McG who, every day, give me two wonderful reasons to be better and to aspire for greatness) who have loved and supported me and for those who have become friends through this blog and this shared journey (much love to my BGBFF Kate, Christine, and Techia, etc.) and my regards, encouragement and admiration to all the people who are through, on or about to start their journey.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take my daughter to the park!
Friday, September 19, 2008
The state will soon enact a policy where 3,000 employees are evaluated and, if their BMI is over the obesity limit - they will get ordered to see a physician and lose weight or they will be charged more for their insurance.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Without further words I give you my first Silent Sunday with an honest statement to hopefully start the conversation . . .
(NOTE - The photo above, for those who aren't "experts" on knowing the pieces of a sugary mess when they see it, is of an oversized donut that was first glazed and then sprinkled with confection sugar and then frosted and then had Fruity Pebbles cereal sprinkled in to said frosting. It was available for $0.38 at my local Dillon's.)
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Here's the thing . . . I'm not a sports "guy" - the less movement the better, I've always said but there were a few sports that I have always enjoyed. Bocce. Croquet. Mini-Golf. Bowling.
I have a friend named Joey who is a very serious bowler. He's got a few 300s behind him. His father has more than that. I once drive 40 minutes just to WATCH the two Joes bowl. They are pretty good! My friend Kim's husband Brian, on top of being a great guy, is a bowling COACH who's team goes to the state championship year-after-year. I know bowlers. I know great bowling. I am NOT a great bowler.
But I ENJOY bowling. There is a little something for everyone at the bowling alley, right?! Stale, smokey air? Check. Pizza? Check. Beer by the pitcher? Check. High schoolers making out in the arcade section? Check. Rental shoes? CHECK! Terms like "strike," "spare," "turkey" and "7-10 split"? Check. But what is MOST enjoyable about bowling is that the whole family, regardless of skill-level can go and at least enjoy (if not partake) in some bowling.
We marked my sister-in-law's 30th birthday tonight! Hard to believe our little Stephanie is now officially "one of us" in the 30+ category but - it is true. We had a great dinner and then hit of North Rock Lanes for some fun.
Even Ava got in to the act. Yep. They put the "bumbers" in the gutters and lil' Ava strapped on the smallest pair of rentable footwear I've ever seen and even got herself a SPARE in her first frame of bowling ever.
I learned two things tonight . . . one, my other-mother is a SERIOUS baller. She bowled like 108 and two, I don't have any real muscles left. That's right. I struggled to pick up, carry and toss a 16 pound ball . . . the 20 or so times it was expected of me. I need to hit the gym to start regaining some weight . . . in the form of muscle.
Anywho - it was great to hit the lanes again. It reminded me of the last two time I remember bowling . . . once was in Vermont in the fall of 2002. My friends Ray and Phoebe from high school were getting hitched and we hit up the lanes in Rutland, Vermont before we went on for an evening of maybe the randomest barring EVER. The other was my brother Patrick's 30th birthday a week after Joy and I got married in 2005. Friends, family, celebrations . . . BOWLING.
Oh - one last thing - Joy is convinced that I intentionally share only pictures of her that are unflattering (hair, makeup, stuff in her teeth, butt-enlarging angles, etc.) SO, to prove that I am an equal opportunity poster . . . here are a few pictures of me that are not so flattering. I love you, Pop Tart!
Friday, September 12, 2008
In the meantime, here is a great article for those of you that enjoy the show as much as me that looks at life "behind the scenes" on the ranch/campus/whatever they will call it this year!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
This will, of course, mean I have to add some medicine to my life (I am very allergic to cats). Nothing comes without a charge (smile) but - I have to say - I'm sort of smitten with both of them and am very happy that we have some pets.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
As I mentioned, I am very serious about this whole "moving" thing (we won't call it excercising as I've been advised not to (long story)) and we bought Ava some new sneakers that will allow her to not only walk with me BUT - should we walk at night - she can actually light the way.
Have a nice weekend. I'll get back in a routine on Monday-ish.
PS - No, Ava is NOT a Yankees fan. The sweatshirt was a birthday gift from her Uncle Ryan and she wears it out of love for him and him alone!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
ME: Uh, no. I don't excercise and I do NOT go to yoga.
IMPISH CO-WORKER: I know. I read your blog!
ME: Well played, Imp!
That's all it took.
I realized that I had to (let's all welcome the pun to this post) walk the walk if I was going to talk the talk on my blog. I DO need to excercise. I DO need to get moving. I DO need to lose the rest of this weight to finish what I started.
Joy got home early from class last night and agreed to put Ava to bed for me (I thank God for the little miracles) so I strapped on/sinched/belted and otherwise floated inside the 2XL sweat pants I bought last fall (I'm getting new ones TONIGHT), found my "good" sneakers, put the earbuds of my iPod mini in and hit the "mean streets" of Wichita's College Hill for a 45 minute walk. I enjoyed and was inspired by what felt like the first real burst of fall (in reality it is just the remnants of Hurricane Gustav) and even RAN (without even being chased) for one small block of my outing.
It felt nice to get out in to the cool air and move. I got my heart rate up. I got a little sweat going.
I will NOT be taking yoga with Impy-Dimpy-Do (as much as I enjoy her company (she reads the blog - I have to be polite (smile))) any time soon BUT I do hope to get out and walk at least four days a week and hopefully get more intense about excercise in the coming weeks. I'm even planning to get the flat tire on my bike fixed this weekend so I can revisit that commitment/goal of mine.
It's time to get moving! AND it is time to get back on the scale (insert nervous shiver here) too!
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
A year ago I was in the mid-300s (330s, 320s). Today, I'm in the mid 200s (I have not been on a scale in MONTHS (will be rectifying that this week, I promise). I may not have learned any more letters or numbers than I knew a year ago and I'm NOT sleeping any more than I was then (grimace) but I'm faster, smarter, leaner and friendlier than I was then. I'm more patient. I'm more understanding. I'm more accomodating and I'm more likely to turn the other cheek when my patience, understanding and accomodation is tested.