My Journey by Sean C Amore

We spent last Memorial Day weekend talking, very seriously, about my early post-surgery success and how different life could be a year later. I spoke with my then-boss at my old job for the first time about it and everything. Oh - we were so naive to the changes.

This Memorial Day weekend has been great. We finally saw Iron Man on Friday night. That's right, I took my special lady out for an evening on the town. It was totally worth the hype and, as a long time fan of Robert Downey Jr., I could not be happier for the success of the movie or how much the character was him and he was the character. I took in Indiana Jones last night too. That's right - two movies in two nights. Check my goals to understand the significance of this "achievement."

ANYWHO - today was the second layer of cake on the cake that will be iced tomorrow. I, under the watchful eye of my in-laws and my wife, operated POWER EQUIPMENT. RIDING power equipment at that.

We (I say "we" like I have a friggin' clue what I'm doing) are doing a paver patio off my in-laws home and the maximum weight limit on the Ditch Witch is 580 pounds. 14 months ago I would have only been barely able to get on the thing. My in-laws would not have asked me to help and Joy would not have allowed me to help. I would have been grateful to be excluded, truth be told. This year though - this year - I buzzed around the back lawn like a seasoned pro bangin' out another job site. For that matter the thing almost tipped over on me when I got more dirt in the bucket in front of me than my weight on the back would balance out.

I worked, outside, in the 90 degree heat for THREE HOURS. The last time I spent three hours in ninety degree heat without being drunk was the summer of 1993 when I was in Denver to see the Pope (another story for another time).

I had a lot of fun ripping up Mom and Dad Terry's back lawn and was very glad that my new body and new open mind allowed me to participate in the fun.

We're going back over tomorrow to do more digging and to start the leveling process. I promise not to knick the house any more, Dad (another story for another time).

As I've been getting smaller and smaller (I still don't feel comfortable declaring myself skinny (skinnIER maybe)) I find myself in the dressing rooms at JC Penney (oh obsession of mine - with your weekly "biggest sale of the season" and your crafty pricing schemes that FORCE me to buy, buy, buy (sorry about the 1st quarter results, by the way, I TRIED to help - I promise)) with increasingly "odd" clothes in my hands. The latest example, a month or so ago, was not one but TWO pairs of shorts (buy one, get one for $0.99 (PLEASE bring back the cent-sign, keyboard makers!)).

I have not worn shorts in public since the summer of 2000. That is when my lymphedema first formed in my left leg and I realized that the world no longer needed to see my get-away sticks accordingly.

While the eight years fluid build up on my left ankle/calf have left the skin discolored, the muscle all but gone and the general appearance of my leg anything but "cute" - the swelling and fluid has gone down enough that I finally figured "screw it" and I bought myself some shorts.

I wore them last week to mini-golf and then I wore them for one of the legs of my road trip last week and I plan to wear them this weekend (it is in the 90s here during the day with INSANE thunderstorms overnight).

Anywho, I was looking through some old pictures and here is a picture of me with my friend Tae Hee Lee from Quinnipiac the last time I wore shorts in public (Memorial Day Weekend, 2000) - note the "sexy" ankle socks WITH flip flops to "hide" my ankle swelling.

I will post a new picture of me in shorts if I ever get up the confidence to have one taken and then to post it here. Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps.

For some reason, Memorial Day weekend always makes me thing of great music. I'm not sure why that is but I can think of and name - off the top of my head - the "anthem" of my summer from the last 15 or so summers off the top of my head and to this day when/if I hear any of them, they make me immediately nostalgic for that particular summer and where ever I was in life at the time. Here are a few examples . . .

Summer, 1991 - Summertime, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince. I was working at a summer camp and Jess, Darcy, Debby and I would bop around listening to the MTV Party-to-Go TAPE singing along and loving life.

Summer, 1994 - Fallin', Teenage Fan Club and De La Soul. I was graduating from high school and I was pretty sure I knew all I needed to know about life and the adventure of it. Me, GUYK, Joey Weeks, Melly-Mel, Kim, Reddy-Red, Loro, Brie and Snnut used to roll the mean streets of Groton, New York listening to this song, off the soundtrack to the movie Judgement Night hoping that summer would last forever!

Summer, 1996 - What I Got, Sublime. College. Just loving life. This song always makes me think about the first time I smoked a cigar (I had a terrible sunburn and was generally miserable and the cigar just made it worse and worse and worse).

Summer, 1997 - Every Step I Take, Puff Daddy, Faith Evans and 112. In my random, random brain there are few people that I just plain admire for who they are, how they go at life, what they are getting out of life and how much fun they seem to have doing all of the above. One of those men is Sean Combs. A.k.a. Puff Daddy, Puff, P-Diddy, Diddy, D.I. S-Combs, etc. etc. etc. Puff gave the world Mary J. Blige. He gave the world Christopher (Notorious B.I.G.) Wallace. He gave the world Making the Band II, III and IV and he gave the world Citron vodka. More importantly, he gave me Bad Boy records, a deep love of the "sample" and the strenf (that is not a typo) I need to live on. I miss you every day, B.I. Thank GOD I have this anthem to remember you - and the summer before my senior year of college - by! Keep up the great work, Sean!

Summer, 2000 - Big Pimpin', Jay-Z. Jess and Tim were still moving to DC so Jess was bunking with Bob and I at the apartment. We were loving life and laughing and hanging out and having fun, fun, fun. I was finishing graduate school. I was crashing the White House Coorespondents Dinner for Bill Clinton's last year as President and I was gaining weight at a scary, scary pace. My lymph adema started this summer and so did my love of Jay Z. Another GREAT man named Shawn who lives life with great zeal. WARNING - The link above takes you to a video/song with lots of four, five and six-letter words, you've been warned.

Summer, 2005 - Stay With You, John Legend. I kicked off the summer of 2005 by marrying my beautiful bride, Joy. This song was SUPPOSED to play as we walked back down the aisle after our ceremony but, human error had us exit the ceremony to a song I've never heard before. Regardless I listened to this song for a good part of that spring and summer and, to this day, when I hear it I get a little teary about how emotional it was for me to marry Joy and how blessed I feel to have had that experience and to have her in my life. We

Summer, 2007 - Umbrella, Rihanna. Jay-Z gave us Rihanna and Rihanna gave us the umbrella, ella, lla, a, ey! This song makes me think about the days when I was first losing weight after surgery and we were starting to talk more and more seriously about moving to Kansas and I was trying to figure out how to have it ALL and keep my sanity in the meantime. I still listen to this song almost every time I'm at the gym (ahem) as it is on my gym playmix and I have six different versions of it (including one by Carrie Underwood and Keith Urban) on my iTunes that I listen to. Just a great song that makes you tap your toes and lets you know it will all be fine as long as you have some protection from the rain and someone to ride it out with.

So what is Sean's summer anthem for 2008? Hard to say. I have a lot of great music that I am very, very excited about coming my way this summer. Alanis, Coldplay, Weezer and My Morning Jacket are all back and I keep finding new (to me at least) artists on iTunes that I love too.

I have aome ideas though. So far I'm torn between The Greatest Man That Ever Lived by Weezer (a nice play on the Shaker Hymns that seems to sort of reflect my current attitude (insert disappointed headshake and scornful look here)) and Viva La Vida by Coldplay (a song that makes me think about who I was, who I am and how much I have loved Coldplay since they first entered my iTunes with Yellow (a song that still gives me chills when I hear it) in 2000) but - I still have a three day weekend to decide what will get me through my first full Kansas summer.

Other suggestions are welcome!

While I was gone I learned a few interesting things about my current diet and my demeanor and how I travel as a post-GB person.

1 - If I don't get my eight ounces of skim milk a day for four straight days there is trouble with the plumbing (if you know what I'm sayin' - and I KNOW you know what I'm sayin'). I'm going to pack some milk in my suitcase next week.

2 - Beef Jerkey (and even better is Turkey Jerkey) is the best gas station offering a person who has had gastric bypass can find. Just be careful of sugar content in some of the flavors.

3 - Pork Rinds are a surprisingly high protein snack. That doesn't make them any less gross.

4 - Pre-bottled Crystal Light is just absurdly delicious. I'm sure a 31 year old man is not the key demo for Crystal Light bottlers (much like my Non-Naught Nibbles chip makers) but I'm a big fan. They have a citrusy flavor that has added caffiene. Dear LORD my body is not used to that jolt/kick anymore. NOTE - Do not drink the stuff at 10:00 PM. You will not sleep for several hours, even with being exhausted from travel.

5 - Sonic, McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy's and Hardee's all have grilled chicken wraps on the menu. Rip away all the "wrap" you don't need to contain the lettuce, yellow mustard (no mayo or ranch dressing or other random sauces for me, thanks) and ask them to add cheese and you have a good meal in the palm of your hand that you can eat while driving.

6 - The flat lands and wide open spaces of Kansas provide for very long and straight and clear roads. This is useful when driving 95 MPH down the highway and e-mailing on your Blackberry at the same time while your co-worker screams and rips on the "Oh Sh*t" bar for all it is worth.

7 - Dry roasted, unsalted peanuts are just plain delicious. Peanuts get a bad rap for being "fatty" but, if you are an otherwise healthy person (cholesterol wise) you should be fine to eat them, in moderation. I love 'em and they have not stopped me from losing weight.

8 - My suitcase is actually HUGE when I am packing five days worth of size 42 pants and 17 1/2 x 34/35 dress shirts and XL t-shirts and undies (a mental picture you are sure to cherish for the rest of the day) vs. the clothes I used to try to stuff in to my bag. I like being smaller when it comes time to pack.

9 - I hate my C-PAP. Hate it. Want to smash it, Office Space style, and never look at it again. I'm tired of having to carry electronics with me so I can sleep. Time for a new sleep study. I've lost 230ish pounds in the last 14 months. SURELY my apnea has been effected by that.

10 - Hotel pools and gyms are terribly sad places when you aren't buzzed or drunk and/or just splashing around with friends. And who can POSSIBLY swim "laps" in a pool that is 20 feet long and only three feet deep at one end? My knuckles look like I just tried to join the Bloods and failed my "beating in" ceremony.

11 - It is easier to walk/tour a client's facilities for one hour at a time when you way in the mid-200s vs. high 400s. I kept walking/touring all week thinking "no way I could do this a year or so ago."

12 - It is damned good to be home. I am so excited for a three day weekend!

I will try to blog during the weekend but I'll be on the road again most of next week. Don't miss me too much!

I owe you an apology. I was going to just send you an e-mail directly and sheepishly recuse myself from a decade of ignorance, blinding slurs and poor-hearted statements but since I made those statements and slurs and expressed that interest in such a public, public way . . . I felt I should apologize to you with the world watching as well.

I'm sure you know this, as I only ever did ONE thing to apologize for in your presence (insert sheepish grin here) but, for those who might not know - let me clarify what I am talking about. I am sorry for putting down Gap.

That's right. I am now man enough to admit that I was wrong.

I went in to Gap with my ladies yesterday. I perused. I found some stuff I liked (on the clearance rack) and I bought stuff (almost $300 worth of two sweaters and jackets for only $50). I saw a BUNCH of stuff I liked. I tried on some khakis . . . oh did I mention that I have a 42 inch waist these days? That's right - I've los 28 inches off my waist in a little over 14 months - that is two inches a MONTH on average. They make a nice pant. I tried on a few button downs. They make a nice shirt. Ava sampled some of the perfume/cologne/can't we all smell the same and get along potion and it smelled lovely (on Ava at least).

It seems that I was always anti-Gap because I was afraid of Gap. I was too fat for Gap. I hated Gap for not catering to me. I put on my blinders to this bastian of American fashion (made elsewhere but somehow "American" at the same time). I dismissed the store and alllllll that love it and shop it and wear it and enjoy it (all the MILLIONS of you). I hated the store because I hated that I could not shop there.

I apologize to you, ladies, and I warn the rest of you that the end of the world is near. I'm going to swing by Banana Republic tomorrow in Kansas City. You've been warned!

Love -

Sean

Today, I realized, it has been ten years TODAY since I walked, very drunk, up the brick sidewalks of Quinnipiac's main quad to recieve my college diploma.

To DeleneDog, Beer-man, BruceSnoop, Teej, Pezzu, Ferl-dog, Mmmbella, Tae Hee Lee and the rest of my QC-crew (we were as thuggish as Gap shoppers at a private New England college could be) - I simply repeat . . . ten friggin' years.

Life is a wonderful trip. I would have never believed - if you would have told me that rainy morning - that any of us would have taken the paths we have. Two of us are doctors (or close to it), one of us opens for The View and is a professional comedian, one of us works in professional sports, one of us is "this close" to a PhD from Columbia, one of us sells birth control for a living, one of us is in markeing and one of us works in PR. We have five marriages (including two that have coupled off with each other) and eight kids between us (that we know of - wink, wink TJK) and we are still in touch, sorta.

Thanks for the laughs on those magical 200 acres and thanks for the friendship, support and love in the decade since we embarked in to the "real world." Frig!