Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
According to the article - a few simple actions can make all the difference . . .
• Plan ahead, bring food with you
• Drink plenty of water
• Choose grilled chicken, fish, meat
• Eat fresh fruits and vegetables
Finally a suggested diet that feels like just about every day to me. Here's what I'm packing (food and beverage wise) for my road trip . . .
1 - Four "Super Sized" Pure Protein Blueberry Crumb Cake protein bars (28g of Protein, 10g fat and 3g sugar in each bar). I'll eat one for dinner Tuesday night and then one for breakfast Wednesday morning with the other two as "safety" meals in case I can't find something else I want to eat (I should be home in time for dinner Wednesday night).
2 - A 1.5 Liter bottle of Glaceau's Smart Water - I'll nurse it all day Tuesday and will have it Wednesday morning too, just in case (room tempurature water doesn't scare me - it is apparently better for you and digestion anyway). I'll likely need more water along the way too but, that is why we stop to pee anyway, right? So we can put more fluids in our bodies?
3 - Three bags of "Smaller Hips Jalapeno Cheddar" Revival Diet Non-Naughty Nibbles. Don't let the name fool you - unlike "the pill" they may be MARKETED to womean, but they are ingestible by either gender. These snacks pack quite the flavor wallop and with only 100 calories and 7 grams of protein (0 grams sugar) they make a great road trip snack (or TV snack, for that matter).
Now, unlike when Joy made the trip two months ago - I will not be stopping for sit-down meals so I should make better time on the trip BUT I will be stopping every three hours to walk for 15 - 20 minutes and to just stretch my legs in general (I need my excercise daily, right?) and also, unlike Joy, I will probably rob a gas station somewhere around the Ohio/Indiana state line - just to prove that I can do ANYTHING after surgery.
Okay, that last part is a lie. Joy robbed a gas station too.
If you are the Indiana State Police.
Or the owners of the gas station.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Now I know, I know . . . STOP talking about your stupid pants, Sean. And I will try. I promise.
There is a point to this open love letter to the cotton twill pant - reread that first sentence. I was shopping for khakis IN a store IN the mall. Not CasualMaleXL. Not Rochester Big and Tall. Not Westport Big and Tall. Not even Men's Wearhouse. I was shopping for pants - and had options - in yet another store that - until very recently - only my skinnier counterparts could frequent for all their khaki needs.
There is good news and better news. First - it was great. They had brown, navy, olive, black and grey pants to choose from . . . they had two different inseams to choose from . . . they had pants made by four different companies to choose from . . . I HAD CHOICES in khakis. Second - I am another two inches smaller in the pants than I was just a month ago. I've lost 18 inches off my waist. 18. That is a foot-and-a-half to you and me. Ava's waist is not even 18 inches around to begin with. I've lost my daughter's waist from my waist . . . and then some.
Anywho - I didn't buy the khakis when it was all said and done. I couldn't find the right inseam/waist ratio and if you factor in the price of the pants and the price of the alteration - they were more expensive than the pants I could get at CasualMaleXL that come to my exact specifications.
What a great thrill though. Another store to shop in. Another 2" off my waist. Another of life's little moments after surgery that remind me how wonderful life after surgery really is.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Life, of course, could only be that simple for the four years we both spent at Quinnipiac. A lot has changed since then. Tom works for The View. He also writes a radio prep sheet for morning radio shows and he writes comedy and preforms stand up comedy. I work in Public Relations. We both have followed our paths and we both seem very, very happy in our choices and our chosen lifestyles.
That being said - we're just not as close as we once were. Not that anything happened or that we had a falling out or whatever . . . I mean, sure, there have been some issues along the way (we were friends, right? friends fight, right?!) but the main obstacle to our friendship has just been life itself. We have lived within 90 minutes of each other for 18 months - and I just saw Tom four days before I left town - and he came to see me on his way to a wedding up 95 from Stamford.
It was a great dinner, truth be told. It was nice to sit down with Tom, catch up, share some memories and talk about how different life is now v. 10 years ago when we thought we knew what the next decade might bring us.
Tom, of course, made a big deal of the new smaller me. He thought I was back down to my Freshman year weight (truth be told - I'm about 20 pounds heavier now than I was when we graduated so - I have about 80 more pounds to go to get back to Freshman year weight). I was just happy to think that I have undone almost a decade of weight gain and could still sit and enjoy a meal with a friend who knew me when . . .
The peace tour continues. And it feels great.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
- Eating disorder (27 percent)
- Uncontrolled mental disorder (20 percent)
- Current significant life stressors (11 percent)
- Lack of effort at following a formal diet program (8 percent)
- Lack of social support to cope with the transition after surgery (4 percent) - Unrealistic expectation of change (2 percent)
I, myself, had two significant mental problems that lead to my life of severe obesity. One, I was never really sure of myself as a child/adult/person and two, I was pretty sure that as long as I didn't know myself, I might as well keep on eating. I was crazy enough to think that I would find myself at the bottom of a bag of chips or at the crust of the last slice of pizza or in the bottom of a large soda or whatever.
I won't blame any one person or any one thing for my life or my weight. Well - I blame MYSELF for it, I suppose.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
FIRST - my mother is in the hospital. As I've mentioned many times, I come from heavy stock. My mother and father - while not nearly as heavy as I have been in my younger life (I still weigh more than them, frankly) BUT - they are much older and much more "entrenched" in their mentalities about food and diet. That being said - my mother is having some serious colon issues. She has diverticulitis and she has a perforation in her colon and she has only just started to realize that a lifetime of poor diet has had a terrible effect on my mother's health. She is facing the chance of multiple surgeries and she's been in the hospital five days already and the end is not yet in sight for her. My heart goes all the way out to her and I wish her a quick and full recovery, clearly, but the whole time I was at the hospital this weekend - I just kept thinking - THANK GOD I had this surgery before all the health demons under an unhealthy eater's bed came out and got me while I slept (or worse, while I was awake). I am so very, very sure that a far worse hand would have been dealt to me if I would have stayed on the path I was on. Get well soon, Mom. I love you very, very much and wish you all the best through this process.
SECOND - I have been busy prepping for my big drive west to Wichita. Once again, I have been thinking a lot lately about time and opportunities and how life is a funny thing. We have only driven out to Wichita together one other time. It was the summer of 2006 when we were waiting for Gracie to be born. I was in the high 400s at the time. The whole drive was almost painful. Crammed behind the wheel. Stuffed in the passenger seat. Only stopping long enough for gas and to eat, go the bathroom and sleep. I got to Wichita and I was so damned glad to be out of that car, I swam about two hours a day in Mom and Dad Terry's pool for the first two weeks we were in town. I lost about 20 or 25 pounds. Then, I got an ear infection - a pretty bad one - I was ordered out of the pool until I got better and then Ava was born and then we left . . . I wonder how much more comfortable the drive to Wichita will be next week and I wonder if being trapped in my car for two days will make me want to walk and walk and walk for miles and miles and miles when I get there. How much weight will I lose just being reunited with Joy and Ava and just having my heart back in one piece? I can't wait to find out . . .
THIRD - I am continuing my "peace tour" - it was great to be back in Upstate, New York this weekend and to get some Ithaca-in-October air in my lungs. My father and I went to collegetown so I could get a Cornell sweatshirt and we had to park a few hundred yards away from the store. As anyone who's been in Ithaca's collegetown before could tell you - it is pretty much all up and/or down hill to walk around. We had quite the climb to get to the sweatshirt store and my father didn't do so well. We had to pause in the middle of the hill for him to catch his breath and he sat in the store while I shopped to further recover from the climb. I, on the other hand, had no problem climbing the hill or shopping at the top . . . what a difference seven months has made . . . NO WAY I could have ever climbed that hill before my surgery. NO WAY I would have not been winded and NO WAY I would not have driven around for an hour looking for a closer parking spot to avoid the walk/climb. In the meantime, peace be with you - collegetown!
FOURTH - I have just posted to my blog - for the first time in almost a week.
PS - Jez, you are my hero! Keep it up, bruddah!
Thursday, October 18, 2007
The only lowlight (overall - a very upbeat and fun session) was something that I don't know if anyone but me in the room even realized or took as a slight but, in my beady little brain . . . there was another sign that no matter where you are, people will sell you short because of your weight.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Friday, October 12, 2007
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
In my life, I've had several nicknames - a few of which I could share in this forum. My high school friends, for instance, called me "Pudge" and "Chester." My college friends called me AmSnoop, AmTrak, AmWay and AmErica . . . as well as Crumb and Bigs (based on my deep love for Christoper "Notorious B.I.G." Wallace. My graduate school/DC and, now, Connecticut friends have largely just called me Sean or the ever-popular professional tagging that is the last name only salute . . . Amore. Now, that doesn't count all the people that sing "That's Amore" when I walk in the room or "Sean Love" as I'm frequently monikered.
Them. ONLY them. And that is because I feel like they have nurtured me and watched me grow and loved and supported me through all of my life. They still, in many ways, see me as their little boy. Their little funster.
Monday, October 8, 2007
18 - If Only, KT Tunstall. I have a musical crush on KT Tunstall. She makes me feel like my life is a teen high school drama or a young-20-something "coming of age" tale because all of her songs (except Black Horse and the Cherry Tree (?)) remind me of part of my experience here on Planet Earth (oh, the stories I'll tell when I return to the mother planet). If Only, off KT's new CD, reminds me of all five or six people who were ever silly enough to have told me I would never do x or would never realize y or would never become z. Well, look at me now. Or don't.
Of all that I have done right and all that I've done wrong in my life, that was my defining moment. That I held all that I loved in my arms but could not bring myself to really open my eyes enough to realize what terrible thing had happened inside her and what was happening to her.
My "big moment" was not my surgery. Not getting married. Not becoming a father. Not gradutating from high school or college or graduate school. It was not the first time I kissed a girl. It was not the first time I realized how small I was in this earth and in the universe. It was then. That moment. When they took Joy to emergency surgery and I was left truly alone . . . not knowing if she would come back.
I went home to get some things for Joy's stay in the hospital and to call our parents and explain what had happened and I turned on the radio. This song was playing. It was the first time I ever heard the song. I cried and cried and cried. I still do cry.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
I was, instead, drawn to the cookbooks, the self help books, the nutrtion and diet books and the workout books. I know, I know, a wee bit odd but there was a rhyme to my reason - Joy and I have been more "nesting" oriented lately (hence the cookbooks), I have been all about my own diet and nutrition lately and - the workouts . . . there is a new The Biggest Loser fitness book that I really, really want. The self help well . . . that one is not so clean cut. I was looking for a book on body dysmorphia but, on looking at a few, PHEWWWW - I realized I do not have body dysmorphia at all (according to the self help book aisle at least (smile)). After getting overwhelmed and spending almost two hours in the non-fiction section, I headed over to fiction land . . .
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Why? The clothes that I was trying on were smaller than the last clothes I had tried on - all of them - and the pants that Joellen gave me based on the measurement she took of my waist did not fit. I just lost it. I should have, as Joy pointed out, been happy to be shopping in Men's Wearhouse and to have the opportunity to fit in smaller clothes than those I bought a month ago and to have the option of trying sizes up and down v. just having to make due with what I mail-ordered and was delivered to me but - I just couldn't get that perspective. Not at that moment.