Thursday, September 10, 2009

Breakfast of Champions? . . .

I've added a new step to the morning routine. I really don't know why. My mornings are already borderline-disasterous enough as it is.

I mean I put a sorta' sharp object covered with toothpaste in my mouth and jam it around while still three quarters asleep and then, a few days a week, I run four blades over my face and neck . . . and then I have to pick out clothes that MATCH (scared yet?) so why would I take on any MORE stress and time commitment?

Simple answer. Hydration. I stop by my friendly neighborhood QuikTrip (actually it is the friendly neighborhood QuikTrip for my office (three whole miles from my house (don't be jealous people with real commutes (smile))) and I get a 44 ounce iced tea with five packets of Splenda and two packets of "real lemon juice" (I use the quotes because they put them on the packets) before pulling in to the parking lot at work at as close to 7:00 as I can manage (which is 7:45 some mornings (oy)).

I have laser-like-focus for my iced tea (my brain is still not engaged enough to really pay attention to anything else) but if there are people standing between me and the ice machine, I'll give them the quick, down-nose-glance "once over" (they are in my way . . . how dare they?!).

This morning I saw a gentleman that really got my attention.

He was pouring 64 ounces of Pepsi (not Diet Pepsi - PEPSI) in his cooler-with-a-built-in-straw. He was having hard time with the fountain because he was juggling two donut-thingys (they are these donuts that are made of a bunch of donut holes (9 0r 10, I think) that are held together with glaze and icing) and a chili dog taquito (that's right - they take a hot dog, dip it in chili, pour some cheese sauce on it and then wrap it in a tortilla (we're ALL counting our carbs, apparently). My post-GB (and post "that looks like a damned good breakfast") mind immediately tried to crunch the caloric count of this "first meal of the day."

There is no nutritional information on the QT web site but I found out that there are 800 calories in 64 ounces of Pepsi. There are 200 calories in the average hot dog. There are 30 calories in a tablespoon of low-grade chili and 25 in a tablespoon of cheese sauce. There are 100 calories in the average tortilla. There are 52 calories in a glazed donut so there are at least 936 calories in two donut hole bunch thingies. That is 2,091 calories (I won't even horrify you with the sugar and fat counts that go on top of that). In other words - this guy was going to get nearly TWO DAYS worth of my calories in his BREAKFAST!

The weirdest part . . . the guy looked like he weighed about 150 pounds (we fat people really, really loathe you skinny people who just eat whatever you want . . . Chris Delenick!).

Good morning! Good morning INDEED!

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