Sunday, August 23, 2009
I Can Change, I Can Change . . .
I often go out of my way to convince myself that I am who I am and that I will never change. This was, of course, very clear 2 1/2 years ago before my gastric bypass surgery. It was clear when I was living a "Joy"-less life. It was something I was sure of when I weighed 500 pounds and it was a statement I frequently make (or have myself reminded of) when the time is right.
Then things like Saturday happen. Three things about yesterday that remind me that you can, in fact, teach an old dog new tricks.
1 - I finally (six months after losing a contact lens) went and had an eye exam and got myself refitted for contact lenses. Getting my eyes checked are not the "change" I speak of - rather - after 20 years of being a contact lens wearer I am now a SOFT contact lens wearer. That's right. Forget the DOZENS of times that I've had eye care professionals, friends and perfect strangers tell me that I should consider the change. Joy and I have also had about 100 different conversations about the lenses I chose to stuff in my eyes (she is a long-time "soft" person) and a few of those chats have even escalated to full-blown arguments (I am who I am (see above)) but - for all the time, energy and conversation around the topic what finally convinced me was . . . wait for it, wait for it . . . the simple assumption on the spot that I should just try something new.
2 - I got my hair cut and, as almost every cutter in the last few years has before her, my buzzerer pointed out that I was going bald. This is a fact. Every man in the history of my family (on both sides) has gone bald. Oh well. There is "peace" that comes in finding out when you are a very young boy that some things are in your future (it is sort of like the Dalai Lama giving you eternal peace on your deathbed when you caddy for him on the links) and just being able to plan for them but as Joy and I sat at a "romantic" lunch (Ava was not there so romance was all around (smile)) at P.F. Chang's and as I ate my Seared Ahi Tuna I decided (with some prodding from Joy) that I am going to try to fight going bald (she wasn't wrong about the contacts so . . . ). I'm not going to get plugs or join the Hair Club for Men but I might just try Nioxin again or at least try some miracle, fad cure. I won't avoid baldness but I might squeeze another year or so of hair out of my head, maybe, and that is a few less years for me to obsess about skin cancer on my scalp (the next great paranoia for me).
3 - I watched a Beyonce Knowles movie without a fight. I may still be unwilling to listen to her music. I may find her mother's fashions to be way too much to tolerate and I may find the very sound of her voice to be wayyyyy too much but if Joy is bored and we're surfing through the pay-per-view options and she says she wants to watch "Obsessed" - I reserve the right to not lose my mind and become verbally caustic for no apparent reason. I reserve the right to order the movie, sit through it, enjoy it (for what it is worth) and then tell her, without a hint of sarcasm that she made a great choice.
Anywho - my world may never know the end of the changes I am capable of . . . as completely absurd as those changes might. Then again some of the other changes in my life that I've been prattling on about and that people in my life literally BEG for may never actually come. I'm tricky like that, sadly!