Monday, March 16, 2009
Getting Better? . . .
4:57 - "Would all employees please report to the main conference room."
4:58 - Stopped looking around at my colleagues to see who would tell me, visually or with words, what was going on.
4:58 - Got up. Headed "that way".
4:58 - Arrived in main conference room (it is 15 feet from my desk)
4:59 - Made some pithy remark about how this had to be quick because I leave at 5:00 on the nose.
4:59 - Only I laugh at my pithy remark
5:00 - Our CEO begins to explain that we did not, as an agency, get a large piece of business that we (collectively, my work was minimal in the process but, emotionally, I was all in for this project and work) had been working very, very hard on for weeks
5:01 - I want to eat, out of stress/sadness/misery
5:02 - Meeting concluded
5:02 - I linger in the room. Talk to a few colleagues about the news and "what happened". There is no food in the conference room. I am safe here.
5:07 - No one left to chit chat with. Walk the 15 feet back to my desk.
5:07 - Look at my desk. Look at my stash of snacks (some beef jerkey - nothing too serious).
5:07 - Want to eat. Not sure why.
5:08 - Try to get back to work.
5:08 - Can't/won't.
5:12 - Announce that I'm going home for the evening.
5:12 - Get distracted by iTunes (I'm newly obsessed with Josh Ritter and there is a new Decemberists album coming out on Tuesday)
5:15 - Leave.
5:16 - Back my car out of my parking spot.
5:16 - Ponder breaking in to the snacks that I keep in my car for Ava. Cursed sugar, with your popular status amongst toddlers and people who make snacks for toddlers.
5:17 - Scan the radio. Wichita, while a wonderful place to call home, has pretty bad radio options. Can't listen to the local college baseball coach's weekly show today. Will drive me to DRINK (forget eat).
5:18 - Put in the last Decemberists CD. They are soooooo good. Can't wait for the new album.
5:24 - Arrive in my neighborhood. Yes. It is only an 8 minute drive home (with "traffic" for me).
5:25 - Drive around the block. Not ready to go home yet. Too stressed out. Must honor promise to Joy to not bring my stress home. Every night.
5:26 - Drive by the spot where I killed a squirrel a few weeks ago (I tried to stop, I swear).
5:26 - Feel bad about the squirrel. Want to eat even more.
5:27 - Contemplate leaving College Hill to go get something to eat from a drive-thru.
5:27 - Continue driving home.
5:28 - Pull in to the driveway.
5:29 - Finish listening to O Valencia. Must listen to more Decemberists, I've decided.
5:30 - Arrive inside the house.
5:30 - Notice that the kitchen is now a shade of orange (Pumpkin Spice Latte or something, I'm told).
5:30 - Remember that orange is an appetite stimulant.
5:30 - Must
5:30 - Leave
5:30 - The
5:30 - Kitchen
5:30 - There is food in here.
5:31 - Kiss my girls.
5:32 - Tell Joy we lost the pitch.
5:33 - Sit down to watch a little bit of Tinkerbell on DVD with Ava (she's in rare form lately so it is often easier to just turn on a DVD for 10 minutes before directing her back to her crayons, her board games or the book Joy was reading to her when I walked in).
5:55 - We leave for Panera (the kitchen is not in any shape to provide us with a meal)
6:02 - Arrive at Panera
6:03 - Sit on the leather love seat with Ava while Joy stands in line. Ava tells me that she has decided she is a princess and mommy is a dragon. I am a tiger. I have a good laugh. Ava seems to be tapping in to her sense of humor and enjoying being an entertainer. She starts belting out "tiger, tiger, tiger, tiger, tiger". It gets less funny each time. I try to explain that the best joke teller will leave 'em wanting more. I seem to be boring her.
6:06 - Order food for Joy and Ava. Nothing on the menu looks good to me. I must be emotional, I realize, if NOTHING at Panera looks good to me.
6:11 - Our food is ready. Not a moment too soon. I sense it has been a long and stressful day for Joy and Ava as well. Joy looks like she's just finished a race. A long race. In poor fitting shoes and a business suit. Having to pee the whole time.
6:19 - Arrive home.
6:22 - Get Joy and Ava settled in to the playroom with their food and Tinkerbell on DVD.
6:23 - Joy reminds me this is the 4,826th time she's watched part of all of Tinkerbell on DVD.
6:23 - I laugh.
6:23 - Joy knows enough to leave me wanting more. She's a good joke teller.
6:24 - I return to the pumpkin room to seek out dinner.
6:25 - Consider a protein bar.
6:26 - Decide that Boca Burgers is the way to go.
6:36 - Take my first bite of dinner. Boca Burger with reduced fat cheese on half of a whole-grain wrap. 340 total calories. 25 grams of protein.
6:37 - Sigh with happiness that I've gone 90 minutes since I wanted to eat without eating and when I did finally eat it was nothing I had to worry about or feel bad about.
6:38 - Realize that, two years after surgery, I am getting better. I never got cranky. I didn't eat. I didn't freak out. I didn't act short with the women in my life. I didn't do anything shameful.
6:40 - Joy leaves for the grocery store to get more milk and diet iced tea.
6:50 - Ava, Lily and I leave for a walk and some swinging in the park.
6:55 - I load Ava in a swing. She reaches up, tickles my chin and calls me a tiger. Once. I laugh.