Friday, January 30, 2009

The Truth, The Whole Truth and Nothing But The Truth . . .

A big "thank you" to the 54 of you that voted in my "You Pick the Lie" challenge. It was very close for most of the voting and - for a few hours - it seemed I would have to give you all "much props" (as the kids would have said a few years ago) and acknowledge you can spot the bull from a mile away BUT - thanks to a flurry of last minute voters (with more self-assurance than they probably should have had) I am PROUD to say that I fooled the masses of you.

That being said - you earned yourself a story.

In the spring of 2004, having dated Joy for about eight months, I decided that I absolutely HAD to make her my wife as soon as humanly possible. Joy was planning and executing weekend seminars for a "medical education" group at the time (pharma companies doing doctor research at over-priced hotels and resorts with golf tee times included in most programs) at the time and, while her travels took her away from me (and often FAR away) for most every weekend - on one particular spring weekend she was only "up the road" in Philadelphia.

I decided to join her for the weekend and - while she was working - I decided to walk down to the "diamond district" of Philadelphia (where my friend Delenick bought his wife Michele's rings) and do a little shopping.

I went in and out of about a dozen shops. I had some ideas in my mind for what I wanted to do but I found the whole thing heady, emotional and a little overwhelming.

My distractions clearly got the best of me because, while in a smaller gallery (I wish I could remember the guy's name here because he had amazing, hand made stuff that I would love to buy a piece of for Joy), I decided I had to make a few phone calls for emotional support and back-up.

I had been holding (on my right pinky) a few rings that I liked and was considering. I told the gallery owner I had to walk around to think about the purchase and I returned the rings on my right pinky.

I left his gallery, got five feet down the street and realized that I still had ONE of his rings . . . on my left pinky.

I quickly returned to the shop and returned the ring. He was shocked that I had taken it. More shocked that I returned it and very thankful that I realized my mistake and returned it.

SO - there you go. I once stole something worth a little over $5,000. And returned it the minute I realized my mistake.

I'm NO thief, dear readers. I'm just a mental, forgetful mess on any given day.

Oh - for the record - I did NOT pee on a street vendor in New York City (and have never, to the best of my knowledge, ever peed on another person) BUT that story - sort of "co-created" by myself and Chris Delenick - has been told to probably a HUNDRED people in the 14 years since it was first spun and only one of them (two, if you count Corona's claim that he knew better) has ever called us out on the lie.

I was an escort. And by "escort" I mean that - for $20/hour I would accompany a 78-year-old, mostly deaf widow with a lot of money and questionable fashion sense to monthly(ish) events at the Kennedy Center, art gallery functions, shopping outings and other random stuff (including a dinner party at Bob Dole's Watergate apartment one evening). Her family lived away from DC and her son had listed the job in an internship book at George Washington University. The woman got put in a "home" (or whatever politically correct term you might prefer) one day and I never say or heard from her again. I DID get to keep the tuxedo she bought me though. Swanky!

And I did once date a member of one of America's richest families but - for all I know she reads this blog (and still sort of hates me (long story)) so I'll tell that story on another day and for different reasons.

So - you can't even tell, 400 posts in to this blog later, when I am being honest and when I'm not?!

Tsk, tsk, people.

5 comments:

Michael D. Thomas said...

To be fair, you did once spit in in the tip jar a of a bucket-drum playing street performer in L Street in Washington, DC and barely lived to tell about it.

Cuse44 said...

wow....i thought that cheasnut story was true after reading it again on this blog....I still recall when you and chris told it. you were SO proud.

Sean C. Amore said...

Thank GOD you were there to save me that night (Michael) and you are such a sucker, Corona (smile)! I've got MANY stories and memories I'm none too proud of, frankly.

Shib said...

I just started reading you and I got it right!!! what do I win? What do i win?

Sean C. Amore said...

Well, Shib . . . you get a free year's subscription to the blog (smile). Thanks for playing! Kudos on being right!