Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The Biggest Loser . . .

I got an e-mail about The Biggest Loser the other day. Yes. I'm still watching. Yes. Obsessively. Yes. I still love the show. Yes. I still find great motivation in the contestants and I still cry at almost every episode (a few times per episode, sometimes).

Here's the thing though . . . this season is NOT your typical Biggest Loser. It's not a love fest. I don't have any characters that I really root for (I did - Phil and Amy) and I don't really care who wins this year (I guess I do, I'd like to see one of the women on the (formerly - they are down to singles now) black team win). In reality though - the show is sort of tainted this season. There is some negativity and "drama" in the house that I don't like and I don't get and that, frankly, makes me sad for myself as a fat person who was insecure and invented drama and made trouble for the sake of feeling "empowered" for too long in my life.

Here's the set up . . . there is this woman, Heba, who reminds me a LOT of someone that I used to be friends with and run around with and she is . . . well . . . not a happy woman. She wants you to think she is and she wants to pretend that "if only" her troubles (Phil, in this case) were not in the house she'd be a huge success and the happiest person ever but the reality is that Heba is just like so many of us - she's limited by her body and her size and the impact it has on her self esteem and her success in life (she won't try to have children at her size, for instance) and she takes that out on any one that is around and who "dares" to cross her. I was on the "inside" of my friend and her anger and her judgemental ways for many years but the minute I got put on the outside, I saw not only a) how devistating it can be but b) how much like her I was without really realizing.

And then there is Vicky. Dear LORD what the heck is wrong with Vicky? Her own trainer has described her as "Shakespearian", evil and a puppet master. She is the "biggest game player ever to enter the house" and she, I'm pretty sure, has a number of screws lose and/or missing. She's mean. Angry. Mean. Rude. She is ME (or the older version of me) and she twists up the drama and roots for other people to fail and she says mean things "under" (and yet OVER) her breath and she seems to take great delight in other people falling short.

I guess I don't like this season of the Biggest Loser as much as I normally do because it hits too close to home. Yep. I'm really a mid-30s woman with sagging breasts and a large chip on her shoulder (smile). I should find motivation to continue to improve and to run from "old Sean" when I watch the show but it just makes me sad for how I once behaved and how I once carried myself and how the rest of the world - that only ever saw that little part of my life - must have judged the rest of my life (like I judge Heba and Vicky).

I don't know what the future holds for either of these women (on the show or in real life) but I hope that they are sitting at home on Tuesday nights - looking skinny and wonderful - and wondering why they acted the way they did and hoping that they will have their apologies (should they make them) accepted by their cast mates at the finale/reunion.

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