Friday, October 10, 2008

Nearly Dumping (A Close Call) . . .

As incentive to get her to eat a little more than usual (picture food measured in thimbles), we promised Ava a walk around the park before bath and bed time.

Ava was dining on Macaroni and Cheese and some cold cuts (ham), Joy enjoyed a chicken wrap (made with love) and I enjoyed leftover taco fixings.

We got about 1/2 way to the park. I was feeling dizzy/faint. We got to the park (a block and a half away) and I felt shooting pains in my guts. I started to sweat and I was cramping like Carrie right before the shower (if I remember the movie correctly).

"You okay, sweety?" Joy asked. She sounded like the teacher from Peanuts. She asked again. I waved her off. I was, admittedly, a little scared. I didn't know if I ate too much or if I just really did not want to go to the park this fine evening or if, oh no, was it? Could it be? Had I somehow ingested some sugar? Was this (drum roll please) . . . DUMPING?!

I sucked it up. I tried to man it out. We walked around the park. We kicked the ball. We sat on the bridge and threw stones. All the while, I was in absolute misery. Had to pretend to be strong for the sake of not looking like a total wimp.

We got home 45 minutes later. I could barely walk I was in so much pain. I was starting to wonder if my appendix was somehow on the left hand side of my body. Was it my spleen? Where is the spleen? - I wondered. Surely Taco Night Part Dos, the Beef Continues did not have me on the verge of dumping.

Then, once we were safely back inside, I checked the fridge. A light bulb went off (when I opened the door to the fridge and in my head) . . . taco sauce. Curse you, George W. Bush and your band of sub-prime lenders, oil selling buddies and Wall Street buyouters (for the record - I am aware that many of the financial policies and practices that have our economy where it is today date back to the Clinton era . . . sort of). In my grocery store cheapness I had bought the Kroger brand Taco Sauce instead of the real, Ortega, deal.

There it was. Ingredient number TWO - high fructose corn syrup and ingredient number THREE - sugar. TWO modified sugars, in the top five. 2g of sugar per tablespoon (I am a three to four tablespoon of taco sauce guy at LEAST).

Yes, dear friends, I came THAT close to dumping. At the park. In front of my wife and daughter.

Sunday's grocery list has a new number one item . . . Taco Sauce.

The cramping and awkwardness stopped about three hours after it started. NO "dumping" to speak of. A close-call story to tell is enough though. Oh boy is it enough!

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