Thursday, June 19, 2008

Gamma and Gampa Come to Town . . .

My parents are in town for the next two weeks. They got in yesterday afternoon. It is wonderful to have them here and to have some time with them (I miss them so much most days).

My mother has lost about 40 pounds since she had her hosptial scare in the fall and she seems to be feeling a lot better. My father seems to be doing well at his attempts to diet as well.

My parents did get on me a little bit about some of my "negativity" here on the blog and how "hard" I am on myself.

I thought it was important to clarify for any one else that might be confused or have some questions about my general tone and demeanor when I get "negative" like I did on Monday.

It is actually quite simple - I was glib for a full decade about my life and how I lived it. I took my friends (I was a wonderful friend to them and they were wonderful friends to me on the average day - I have never said I never deserved friends) for granted. I worked too much and for the wrong reasons. I ate way too much and lied about it to myself and others and I was developing an alcohol problem on top of my food problem.

It is very, very important for me to take a look at all of that and to acknowledge the failures of my past and try to build over them with positives in my future.

How friggin' boring would this blog be (how much MORE boring - I should ask (smile)) if all I did was sat around and talked about how wonderful I used to be and how great I was and how perfect life was? Would any one read that crap? I wouldn't.

The reason that I have decided to share my "journey" with the world (and, scary as it is some weeks the hits I get on this blog make me afraid the world truly is reading) is because I wanted to talk about the larger process of gastric bypass. Too many people think the surgery is about four hours on a table with a laser and a surgery team followed by skinny bodies and perfect lives.

It is really important, to me, to let people know that - as far as my own experience or the experience of any one I know who's been through this procedure - that is JUST four hours in the life of the real process - the real journey.

I apologize if people think I'm overly harsh on myself in this forum but - ask anyone who know or loved me then (or knows and loves me now) and they will not hesitate to tell you that I've always had a very healthy self-esteem and an overly ripe sense of self.

I am not beating myself up now. I think I'm blessed to have come through all of this alive and I think that I am the luckiest man alive to have such a wonderful wife and daughter and home and job and family and friends. I had allllll those things before my surgery though. And I knew how lucky I was then too - I just didn't openly appreciate it as much. I was not as "aware" as I am now.

I'm simply looking at who I was and who I want to be and trying to quantify the differences.

Let me know if you still have any questions, Mom and Dad (and others).

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