Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Top Ten Foods I DO Miss Following Gastric Bypass Surgery . . .

A lot of people ask me about how life, post-surgery, has changed and I almost always tell them that every thing I used to eat is no longer on the menu and I don't miss them at all (or something to that effect). The reality is that there are, of course, parts of me that miss foods that I used to enjoy. Ten foods I once-loved (as recently as a year ago) BUT I hope I will never be tempted to eat again include . . .

10 - Barbecue Sauce - Be it the times I went to Old Glory during my early DC days, the lakes of the stuff I put on everything from chicken breasts to french fries or my own, special salad dressing that combined BBQ sauce and numerous other condiments and spices . . . BBQ sauce has been a good friend and a back-stabbing sugar-loaded foe at the same time. I tried sugar-free BBQ sauce once after surgery. ONCE. Farewell, sweet, spicy goodness.

9 - Dunkin Donuts - Me, I celebrate the entire menu of this little haven of hoggish treats. I really fell "in love" with Dunkin Donuts during our time in Connecticut (I swear to God, there were four Dunkin Dounuts between any point a and any point b in the entire state of Connecticut). The last food I ate, frankly, before my surgery was a Dunkin Donuts Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip cookie. Okay, it was TWO of them but I technically at the last one as my last food. Joy and Ava have had donuts a few times since my surgery. It is weird how even the smell of donuts has a different effect on me than it once did.

8 - McDonald's Double Cheeseburgers - Now we're talking, now we're talking. I would eat two or three double cheeseburgers on my drive home from work . . . and on my way to dinner. I had a serious problem with the double cheeseburger once I got my car. Just 99 cents each? Don't you love yourself more than that price, my bunned friend? Either way . . . I'll take two . . . or maybe three. I got physically ill about a week before my surgery as I ate what I vowed would be my last double cheeseburger ever. It was the right way to say good bye to a food I loved way too much for how little it loved itself.

7 - Tortellini with Pesto - Possibly one of the only foods on my list that is not a given "bad" food but when you boil up a pound of tortellini and squeeze half a package of pesto over it while you boil your second pound of pasta . . . it is time to say good bye to "dinner." I've had a few tries at wheat pasta since surgery (disclaimer - I loved and prefered wheat pasta before my surgery too) and I just can't enjoy it. It tastes slimy and gross and my little pouch doesn't like it very well either. Farewell, pasta-pal.

6 - The 2/3 pound, Fuddruckers Triple Cheese Burger - AH, Fudds. My DC "crew" and I would go to Fudd's once every blue moon before they opened the Chinatown location. Then it just got out of control. Lunch during the work day. On my way home from work. When out drinking. On a Saturday afternoon. Before a concert. Before a game. Fudds, fudds, fudds. Fudd you, Fuddruckers. I'm going to stick to 3 ounces of ground turkey with ONE type of reduced fat cheese on a pita from here on out. I loved you though . . . and your killer french fries!

5 - Cinnabon - If I was flying, I was buying. I would pick up a six pack of Cinnabons when I landed at National or BWI and be done with at least one of them before my luggage even showed up. I used to take the Metro out to the airport just to buy a cinammon roll. What the hell was wrong with me? Now I think of Cinnabon like I think of Auntie Anne's and her stupid little pretzels . . . if only moderation was a word I understood - we could still be together (smile). Be kind to the rest of the weary world travelers. You were always kind to me.

4 - DOTS - Take one box of DOTS. Rip the top off (forget the little punch hole they put on the box) and pour a handful (if they don't pour out right (not too quickly, not needing spasmic shaking) - they are either too fresh (yep, it is possible) or already "stale" . . . try another box). Repeat until box is empty. Grab another box. I used to eat DOTS as a bed time snack. No kidding. And Joy wondered why I sleep more restfully now than I did before my surgery. When we moved out of our house in Connecticut, I found a partial box of DOTS in the back of my nightstand. I thought about eating just one but - they shook out too easily and they had to go to the trash. Thank GOD for my strict DOTS standards.

3 - P.F. Chang's "Philip's Better Lemon Chicken" with Brown Rice - I love P.F. Chang's. We still go there every couple of months (at least). I eat the tuna appetizer now and maybe the soy cucumbers too when I go. Once upon a time, I would eat the Better Lemon Chicken which might TASTE better than your average Chinese chicken but it ain't much better for you. I used to love the rice too. I haven't had a single fork of rice since my surgery. I don't miss it. It just doesn't have the same appeal without lemon sauce (or sweet and sour sauce or ____ sauce) poured over the top of it.

2 - Fat Free Chocolate NesQuik - I had a nutrtionist that actually endorsed me drinking this stuff. She felt that it had less fat and less calories and more protien, vitamins and minerals than my normal desserts and snacks. That woman should lose her license. I read the back of a bottle of NesQuik shortly after my surgery (grocery shopping used to be a two hour adventure of mind-blowing insight to how bad the foods I used to eat were for me). Dear Lord. How do they put that much sugar in such a little bottle . . . and then have only 1/2 of the bottle count as a "serving." Delicious, creamy and dead to me. Peace out, Quik Rabbit!

1 - Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls - Ah, now this one . . . this one still gets to me some days. If I could go back for one hour to having a normal stomach, I would spend the first ten minutes of that hour eating a box of Swiss Cake Rolls. I kid you not. I've been petitioning Debbie and her food researchers to come up with a high-protein, low-fat, sugar-free version of her Cake Rolls (they don't have to be "Swiss") but, so far, they are not returning my calls. It is probably for the better.

One important note about these foods that I technically miss . . . I could eat almost every single one of them (or at least a version of them) following surgery but I made a vow to eat and be better following surgery and going back to my old foods is a slippery slope I'm just not willing to chance my "footing" on. R.I.P., former-food-favorites. We had a great run and I'll always remember you but, I don't need you any more.

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