Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Sweet Treats . . .

I had one of the many, many people (there must be three of them) who turn to me to solve every problem in their lives e-mail me the other day with a "simple" question that actually got me thinking. They wrote . . .

"Dear Dr. Love -

I am still very much in love with someone who has had gastric bypass surgery and I wanted to get them something sweet to mark Valentine's Day. We have traditionally shared a box of chocolates and a bottle of wine after a big meal before busting out the risque lingerie and the tripod for the real games to begin.

With my love's new perspective on eating, alcohol and homemade porn though - I'm left wondering how I can still make them feel special.

Please help.

- Cupid's Target"

Well, Cupid's Target . . . I'm not, for the fifteenth time, a doctor and my last name is NOT Love (it might be translated as such but that is not the same thing and you know it). I also don't appreciate you coming to me with your EVERY challenge (did you find your other brown, dress shoe?) BUT - in this case . . . since many people who read this blog might have a similar challenge come Thursday - I wanted to give a few thoughts for the perfect gift.

First and foremost . . . don't go the "sugar free" candy/sweets route. Truth be told - it is a slippery slope. MANY of the sugar free goodies out there have as many calories as the "real stuff" has and the whole point of the surgery is to reduce the calories and the food you take in. To get sugar free candy is to encourage old behavoirs. We don't do that to the ones we love, Cupid's Target.

It is far better, instead, to find a way to reinforce the changes and the new mindset of your formerly-heavier-and-less-healthy-beau and to find a new way to celebrate the new "them."

I might suggest the following ideas instead . . .

- Put a picture of the "old" you and them in a dual frame next to a picture of the "new" you. The visual reminder that things can change but still stay the same will warm their heart.

- Write a card or letter in support of all the changes you have seen in your significant other since last February 14th and telling them how much better they seem to feel about themselves because of those changes (don't make it about you - this surgery has to be about US first - our lovers need to reinforce that).

- Plan an excursion to do something new and different. Maybe something that weight and size might have prevented in the past. Scuba diving. Sky diving. Horseback riding. Long plane rides. Compact cars. Booths in a quiet restaurant. The options are endless for a life that is just beginning again.

- Cook a healthy, post-GB-concious-dinner with ingredients and serving sizes that are appropriate for both of you. Skip the wine. If they are a year out from surgery, they can have a little alcohol but it is just empty calories. Instead, go with a nice, exotic iced tea or small glasses of a rich, 100% fruit juice or something that can be had as a "treat" but that won't trigger dumping or going over daily calorie counts.

- Put away the tripod and the cheap costumes. You are neither a bad catholic school student nor an emergency room patient. You are not a helpless person on a desserted road with a broken-down-car and you have never once "needed" to wear ass-less chaps. I know your children and they don't need the possible emotional scars that come from stumbling across mommy and daddy's private moments. That goes for ALL parents and ALL children, frankly.

Hope I've helped you out, Cupid's Target (and all the little children around the world too).

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