Tuesday, February 5, 2008

My First Love . . .

With Valentine's Day almost here once again (I'm working on a special post for Valentine's Day that will mark the return of the holiday poem (for you old skoolerz)), I'm reminded of my first love in life.

This might shock many of you but my first love was not Joy. I was 27 years old when I met Joy. It would be naive of you to assume that I had never loved before her. The fact is that while Joy is my GREAT love, she is not my first.

No, my first love has been with me since I was very young.

We met in elementary school shortly after my family moved to Groton and I was smitten from the very start. I saw happiness when I looked at my sweetheart.

We were friends first. Over time, we became more serious. Seeing each other whenever we could (time was short year to year). I would sneak downstairs late at night so we could share time while my family slept. Morning walks on the weekend so we could enjoy each other's company.

By high shool, I thought I knew what love really was and I loved my first love with all that I had. I denied my love for many years because I was not sure if people would approve. After all, we were so very different in so many ways.

I would walk long distances (all the way to Main Street and beyond) to cuddle after school.

I'd scrape together pennies to buy my love's time and affection.

By the time college rolled around, our lives had changed. I had all new friends. I was in a new environment. I didn't have a chance to see my love and, I will admit, things changed.

Sure, we tried to stay friends. We'd see each other from time to time and would laugh at the good old times and we would try not to cry as we split company . . . hard as it was.

I'm rambling here . . . what am I trying to really say . . . I guess I'm just saying that every year at this time - ESPECIALLY at this time - I am reminded that love is fleeting and I am reminded at how lucky I am to know and to cherish a better, more secure and mature love now than I knew then.

I don't need the rush or the jolt of my old love any more. I'm happy now. I have different and more meaningful things to fill my life. I can give more of myself in return to the things that I love now.

Still though - I find myself here at work with a free moment and I think about my first love and I google my first love and my heart beat races - just a bit - when I see my first love's picture, one more time.

XOXO, my sweet!

1 comment:

nytova said...

I was so impatient reading this. I wanted to try and guess it myself before I got to the end. The way you wrote it, I knew it was a "thing" and not a person you were about to reveal. I was ticking things off a list, "nope not cigarettes, I don't think Sean was a smoker." "Nope, not crack, Sean would never have loved crack." I am glad I read to the end because I wouldn't have actually guessed Little Debbies! Happy (early) V Day!