Tuesday, September 25, 2007
I Mean, I Won't Be Running a Marathon Any Time Soon (Chortle) . . .
I'm at the point in my weight loss where people have started asking me all sorts of questions that I guess I didn't anticipate hearing for another hundred pounds or so . . . Are you at your goal weight? Have you lost all the weight you hope to lose? Do you realize the baggy pant era is officially dead? You know the routine. One question that I get asked more and more often -- including this morning - I'm attending an event in NYC today with one of the executives I support at work and he chose to tell a table full of industry experts and journalists that I'm half the man I used to be (giggle, giggle, NOT IN FRONT OF THE COLLEAGUES AND JOURNOS, please, sir!) -- is 'What are you goals? What are your hopes?"
Now, I have another one of those ho-hum but terribly sincere answers . . . I just want to be healthier and live a longer life with my girls. Period. That is the answer the masses get. To indugle beyond that, until recently, felt sort of like asking a guy who won the lottery what he was going to do with the money and he says something about four wheelers or a new double-wide for ma or whatever . . . it seemed like a mis-focus on the world of opporutnities.
Like I said though - that was until recently. NOW, I'm just screwing with people. "Oh, I hope to finish the world peace process." or "To look fabulous at my 20 year high school reunion." or "Now that I can fit in them, I'm going to throw away my cell phone and start using pay phone booths for all my calls." etc. I've got a million of them. Sure - only one of the three is even sort of funny (but which one?) and I'm sure it annoys people that I am so flip about it but - I still have a hard time really sharing that I have goals or "ambitions" or "dreams" for my new body. To get over that anxiety - I'm going to share five honest-to-God goals or hopes with you here and now. Don't judge me (smile)!
1 - Skydive. I don't know why but I've always wondered, despite being afraid of heights in most scenarios, what it would be like to just hurl towards the earth with nothing but a back-pack of lightweight fabric to slow my roll. Joy has said she will do it with me and we've already found the place we want to do it (in Kansas - you can see all the way to Oklahoma, I'm told, from the air about Wichita). The DAY I hit my goal weight - we're making the reservation to jump!
2 - Walk in to a store and buy just any old thing. Sound crazy? It is. BUT I was 13 when I outgrew most clothing options in stores. By 15 my mother and I would back to school shop from the JC Penney Big and Tall catalog. I've never worn "cool" or "trendy" clothes. I spent most of high school dressing like a middle aged man and now I'm in my 30s and want my youth back - - clothing wise. I just want to walk in to a store and see a sweater on the dummy and say - that sweater would look good on this dummy too - I'll take it, my good man (in my head - there will be a butler-like employee eager to help me when this scenario plays out) . . . and NOT in the biggest size you have. And get something pretty for my wife and daughter too - we're celebratin' here.
3 - Camp at a National Park. When I was still under the charm of my parents, I was in the Boy Scouts - I am an Eagle Scout, on paper (long story for another day) - but I HATED camping then. Why? Hmmm, let me think, because I was a fatty-fatterson. I couldn't really be comfortable in a sleeping bag, the hikes would just about kill me and those metal cots at summer camp sounded like the jaws of life doing their job when I would lay on them. BUT, fast forward 16 years and I have a wife who LOVES to camp and a new appreciation for the world around me and a daughter that I hope will always enjoy the world around her. What better way to make the most of life than to rent some gear and a GPS lo-jack for each of us and head out in to the mountains where the bears can eat us . . . if they can catch us (insert evil laughter here).
4 - Return to the Thee-ay-tah. When I first moved to Washington, DC the first thing I did was put season's tickets to the Kennedy Center on my credit card. If you've ever looked in to it you'll know that is NOT a cheap thing to do. But, three performances/shows later - I stopped going. I've not been back to the theater for any reason (save for a production of The Nutcracker that a group of 5 - 9 year old girls put on in Maryland two years ago (one of their mothers was a member at the Curves Joy used to manage and Joy bought some tickets) since. Why would I stop going? Simple. I like blood flowing to and through my legs. Simple as that. Two hours in a theater chair, to me, felt almost dangerous to the longevity of my ability to walk. Not any more. We just bought some Opera tickets and some musical theater tickets and some play tickets and I can't wait to go see The Nutcracker again this Christmas. I hope those professionals are as good as the 7 year old leads in the last production I saw.
5 - Finish the World Peace Process.